Removing The Emotional Barriers To Learning
A parent writes, Our 12 year old son has been unable to perform
well since transferring from a small private school to a public middle
school. He feels unwelcome and stupid in school, often refusing to do
his work for fear of making mistakes.
Emotional barriers to learning are one of the most pervasive, and often
times unrecognized, factors in a child’s education. School work
poses not only a challenge to a child’s academic skills, but to
their self-esteem and social adjustment as well. Academic work can stir
up feelings of inadequacy and trigger worries of being seen as lacking
by classmates. Teachers may unintentionally contribute to this internal
angst if they offer help in conspicuous ways or draw attention to the
child’s feelings. Troubles establishing a sense of security in
a new school may further erode the child’s confidence to try their
best. Here are some coaching strategies to consider:
Explain how their internal state is contributing to underachievement.
Students who fit this profile are fond of blaming teachers
and school work rather than the real culprit: their self-critical thinking
and painful feelings. Parents can gently explain how their uncertainty
and insecurity makes it hard for them to take the risk of making mistakes
or appearing like they don’t know everything. Refer to school
work as exposing them to “pride injuries” and stress the
importance of learning more helpful ways of looking at school work.
Prepare them to make mistakes without feeling stupid.
“Mistake inoculation” entails exposing children to contrived
experiences of making mistakes so that their ego can gradually bear
the weight. Parents must first help prepare their self-esteem by ensuring
that they have realistic expectations ahead of time, and are armed with
appropriate self-talk, i.e., “I can’t expect to get everything
right and sometimes I will get a lot wrong.” Next, use a dictionary
and conduct a spelling or vocabulary test with increasing levels of
difficulty. Instead of praising their correct answers, praise them when
they make mistakes without a self-punitive attitude.
Workload should be regulated and limited to manageable proportions.
Given the emotional fragility of their children, parents are urged to
sensitize teachers to these circumstances. It is easy for students to
feel overwhelmed by the demands of middle school, especially if they
have not been stretched by such a workload in the past. Parents can
ask teachers to make allowances if at all possible.
Look for ways to increase feelings of belonging in school. Involvement
within extra-curricular activities will provide a greater sense of acceptance
and accomplishment. Parents are encouraged to find channels where such
students can demonstrate their strengths and nurture their interests.
? Create an incentive system and ample reinforcement for academic accomplishment.
Parents may find that offering periodic or weekly rewards for fulfilling
academic requirements can help remove some of the emotional sting from
the process. Children can concentrate on the goal rather than the painful
climb to get there.
They can also reward themselves with more favored activities after completion
of a specified task in a less favored area.
Dr. Steven Richfield is a child psychologist in Plymouth Meeting,
PA. His column appears monthly. He has developed a child-friendly self-control/social
skills building program called Parent Coaching Cards. His new book,
The Parent Coach: A New Approach To Parenting In Today’s Society
is available through Sopris West (sopriswest.com or 1-800-547-6747)
He can be contacted at www.parentcoachcards.com or 610-238-4450
