A Dog Can Be A Parent’s Best Friend
Dr. Steven Richfield
www.parentcoachcards.com
Parents
write: We are considering a puppy for our family of four, including
two children, ages 8 and 11. We’ve heard horror stories but
all of us really want to move ahead with the decision. Any comments?
Among
the many pleasures of including a dog within the family is the contribution
to children’s character development. Dogs offer a simplified
sampling of many of the experiences that test kids’ ability
to adjust to the social and emotional demands of life. This includes
devoting time to care for another, delaying gratification of one’s
own wishes, understanding give and take within relationships, overcoming
personality quirks, and many others. Each of these areas is well illuminated
by dog ownership, providing parents with ample opportunity to address
their importance.
If
you are a parent and dog owner, or considering bringing a dog into
your family, here are some coaching tips to consider:
Explain to children that loyalty is a two-way street.
Enjoying a dog’s loyalty and affection requires building a bond
of trust. This entails providing appropriate attention, consistency,
self-sacrifice, and deciphering various communication signals, such
as the wish to be left alone or discomfort with a particular playtime
activity. These components are also required for happy and healthy
relationships inside and outside the family. Refer to these factors
when discussing your child’s relationship with their pet, linking
discussion with how each is related to experiences with peers and/or
siblings.
Use pretend to help children infer a dog’s preferences
and sensitivities. Help your child develop better powers
of inference by pretending that thought bubbles form atop your dog’s
head. Explain how circumstances give clues as to what the dog is thinking
and feeling. Make a game out of the process of pointing to the dog
and asking your child to “read the bubble.” Help them
recognize the clues by pointing out subtle nuances and situational
variabilities. Stress how important this skill is when dealing with
people, too.
Dogs display many of the troubling and tiresome behaviors
often found in children. One way to help children appreciate
the challenges of being a parent is to experience the ups and downs
of owning a dog. As they break rules, bark out their excitement, and
dig in their heels in protest, dogs reveal the disobedience that children
do. Frustration tolerance, forgiveness, and problem-solving, are frequently
called upon. Parents can broaden children’s awareness of their
impact upon others by narrating the similarities as events unfold
in family life.
Dogs have a way of revealing children’s limitations
and motivating them to summon strengths. Many personality
traits and preferences that impede adaptation surface when a dog roams
the home. Fearfulness, selfishness, boundary breaking, rigidity, withdrawal,
over reactivity and social misinterpretation, among many others may
be revealed. As children display these behaviors, dogs tend to withdraw
from the child, making the canine costs quite clear. Guide your child
toward solutions to these troubles, emphasizing how dogs teach us
about our mistakes. Explain that dogs feel safest when they live in
a calm, consistent, and loving home - just like everybody else.
Dr.
Steven Richfield is an author and child psychologist in Plymouth Meeting.
He has developed a child-friendly, self-control/social skills building
program called Parent Coaching Cards now in use in thousands of homes
and schools throughout the world. His book, "The Parent Coach:
A New Approach To Parenting In Today's Society," is available
through Sopris West (sopriswest.com or 1-800-547-6747) He can be contacted
at director@parentcoachcards.com or 610-238-4450. To learn more, visit
www.parentcoachcards.com
