The Parent Coach: Make Camp An Enjoyable Experience
Dr. Steven Richfield
www.parentcoachcards.com
A parent writes:
Each time overnight camp season rolls around, my kids express
much excitement about the fun that awaits them. Although I am glad
they see camp in a positive light I worry that some of the problems
that have cropped up in past years might be repeated. Teasing by their
bunkmates, conflicts with counselors, and trouble accepting their
performance on the sports field, have made for difficult times. How
can I prepare them to handle these difficulties without making them
feel like I am trying to spoil their fun?
Camp offers children a rich variety of skill building experiences,
but it also opens the door to social and emotional challenges. The
same factors that lead kids to yearn for camp life also contribute
to the hurdles to their enjoyment: independence from parents and sustained,
intensive contact with peers. Add to these factors the presence of
perceived arbitrary rules, self-critical
attitudes, and personality conflicts with less-than-sensitive counselors,
and the camp mixture can quickly stretch our children in ways they
don’t often experience all at once.
Parents who wish to coach camp coping skills to their departing campers
may want to start not by reminding them of the past but by suggesting
they try to predict the future. Another idea is to ask them to verbally
list the best and worst things about camp life, and then offer your
own list from the perspective of a camper’s parent. Gently steer
the conversation to the importance of having realistic expectations
and tools to take as “insurance” that they will have as
good a time as possible. Once you open the door to a coaching discussion,
try to touch on the following points:
Emphasize how overnight camp life resembles a temporary family living
arrangement but without the built-in adjustment time and stabilizing
presence of parents. While this situation can quickly build bonds
of friendship it can also stir up family type feelings and situations:
comparing, teasing, practical joking, playing favorites, rule breaking,
etc. Point out that it’s easy to take this stuff too personally
and feel touchy and annoyed. But a lot of this is normal for camp
and kids are expected to just take it in stride. Those kids who can
let it pass without allowing it to be that bothersome won’t
become frequent targets. Point out that they can achieve that state
of tough skin by reminding themselves of your discussion together.
Explain how the absence of parents presents a unique opportunity to
learn greater self-sufficiency. Refer back to those times when they
have urged you to allow them more freedom but you’ve expressed
reluctance. Emphasize how counselors are available for help but may
not have the best suggestions to offer. It’s important for them
to use their camp experience to practice giving themselves good advice.
Suggest that they imagine asking for help from someone they trust
and admire, such as a parent, coach, or teacher, as a means to problem
solve tough situations they will face. Walk them through such an imaginary
dialogue by referring to typical camp challenges that allow them to
hear how it might sound in their own mind.
Ask permission to explain to them what your inner dialogue sounds
like when you think about them leaving for camp. If it’s granted,
be sure to start out by mentioning the pride you feel and the hope
that camp will help build the confidence in them that is so vital
to growing up. Weave in your view that even something fun can be challenging.
When meeting a challenge it’s always a good idea to prepare
ahead of time. Talk with them about the ways you prepare for challenges,
whether it be meeting new people, dealing with competition, facing
criticism, feeling left out, or other social hurdles. Offer concrete
steps they can take when these situations come up at camp, emphasizing
the “good inner advice” that you are confident that they
can give to themselves.
Dr. Steven Richfield is a child psychologist in Plymouth Meeting,
PA. He has developed a child-friendly, self-control/social skills
building program called Parent Coaching Cards now in use in thousands
of homes and schools around the world. His new book, The Parent
Coach: A New Approach To Parenting In Today’s Society is
available through Sopris West (sopriswest.com or 1-800-547-6747) He
can be contacted at director@parentcoachcards.com or 610-238-4450.
To learn more about Parent Coaching Cards, read more parenting columns,
or review the press kit to The Parent Coach, visit http://www.parentcoachcards.com.
