Coaching The Mental Game During Sports
A parent writes: What advice do you have about helping my son keep his
cool and maintain his focus when he plays sports? I have told him that
he puts too much pressure on himself but that doesn’t seem to
help him calm down once things don’t go his way.
When kids compete within sports, their own mental and emotional issues
can quickly become their fiercest competition. The tennis court or soccer
field can mentally become their personal test of adequacy as an athlete
or pit them against a host of emotional barriers related to frustration
tolerance, recovery skills, or realistic self-assessment. Certain personality
traits, such as inflexibility and perfectionism, can serve to magnify
these troubles, thereby undermining a child’s innate talents and
potential.
Parents who wish to coach the “mental game” when their children
take to the field can consider the following strategies:
Explain how sports is as much a mental as it is a physical test
of skills. Most young athletes don’t think about the
mental and emotional factors that contribute to performance. Too much
emphasis is placed upon winning and improving rather that understanding
what skills help them to bounce back from a bad game, overcome the negative
internal voice tied to playing a younger or older sibling, or rushing
to an emotional “break-point” that ushers in feelings of
self-defeat.
Reveal your own mental and emotional break points and gently
suggest what you have observed in them. “I notice that
when I get behind in a game I may give myself all kinds of bad messages,
such as ‘I really stink,’ or ‘I can’t believe
this is happening,’” is one way to open up the discussion.
Praise them when they identify some of their own barriers and write
them down for further examination.
Link up their self-defeating self-talk with deeper beliefs that
give rise to them. Some examples of these beliefs include,
“I must never lose to my younger brother,” or
“I must play like I am going to be a professional some day,”
or “I must always improve or at least do as well as I played last
time.” Explain how these beliefs drain confidence and interfere
with the development of vital emotional sports skills, such as flexibility,
realistic self-measurement, and graceful defeat.
Offer an alternative message to replace the self-defeating ones.
For example, “Losing or not playing my best is always possible,
but I will try my hardest not to beat myself by losing my mental game.”
Once they have firmly assimilated this realistic foundation, challenge
them to envision how they would want to respond if one of their break
points happens, such as losing to their younger brother. Write down
their response so they can refer to it from time to time. Do the same
with their remaining scenarios so they have mentally prepared themselves
for these possibilities and will be less likely to build up negative
emotions if they see it unfolding during competition.
Emphasize the powers of a confident mind and energized body
to competition, no matter the score. Help your child learn
to focus their energy upon the immediate moments of competition rather
than the environmental variables, such as score, opponents, coaches,
etc.
Dr. Steven Richfield is a child psychologist in Plymouth Meeting,
PA. His column appears monthly. He has developed a child-friendly self-control/social
skills building program called Parent Coaching Cards. His new book,
The Parent Coach: A New Approach To Parenting In Today’s Society
is available through Sopris West (sopriswest.com or 1-800-547-6747)
He can be contacted at www.parentcoachcards.com or 610-238-4450
