| He
doesn't believe in spanking and he doesn't particularly support making parental
training a government mandate, but child psychologist Dr. Steven Richfield
-- author and inventor of an innovative parenting tool known as Parent Coaching
Cards-- does believe in children and parents partnering in the raising of
our next generation. Appreciating firsthand what parents go through in today's
confusing, conflicting and challenging world -- he has two boys 13 and 10
-- Dr. Richfield overcomes the pitfalls and issues that consume parents
and children by helping adults give kids the social and emotional skills
they need to succeed. He has created a hybrid of parent, teacher, mentor,
friend and clergy in the form of the … Parent Coach Ever wonder what to say to a child who struggles with frustration, teasing, jealousy, bullies, sibling rivalries, procrastination, inattention or other hurdles? Ever wish you had practical parenting tools that were instantly accessible and appealing to kids? Ever worry that your child does not learn from mistakes because of a lack of certain skills? Parents have arguably the most important job in the world, yet take on the challenges of parenthood with little training, few skills, and minimal guidance. Created to help parents with this task, The Parent Coach: A New Approach To Parenting In Today’s Society by Dr. Steven Richfield and Carol Borchert is a new book providing parents with coaching tips using “kid-friendly” techniques to enhance self-control and social skills. The Parent Coach is an outgrowth of his Parent Coaching Cards, which were originally developed in 1997 by Dr. Richfield as a therapeutic tool for patients in his private practice. The cards focus on practical methods for parents and children to change a child’s problem behavior, and improve the self-control and social skills that help them in their day-to-day lives. Twenty cards have been developed dealing with everything from envy and fear, to provocation and cooperation. His interest in the role that parents play in shaping and enhancing a child’s emotional growth and social skills intensified after his first son was born in 1989. The combination of on-the-job training as a parent and extensive clinical experience with thousands of parents and children led him to develop a new parent training model that requires parents to switch from “parent cop” to the more desirable role of “parent coach,” whenever where children display emotional and behavioral problems. “Each card is
set up to help children with their “thinking side” and “reacting
side” in specific situations,” said Dr. Richfield. “The
thinking side is what helps children think through problems and learn
how to manage their actions.” For example, in the card “Don’t
Trust Your Jealous Feelings!” children learn to recognize jealous
feelings and how to use their “thinking side” to work through
that jealousy. The cards depict a social or emotional skill in language
that is easily understandable to children from second grade and up. Parents
use the cards to offer a corrective, rather than punitive, response to
difficult situations; educators use them in the classroom as tools to
solve common behavior and peer problems; therapists use them to help remedy
problems; kids of all ages use them because they think they're helpful
and fun. "Step Into Your Cantaloupe Skin!" -- How to handle moments when you’re teased, feeling left out of the party, having trouble with homework, or just feeling cruddy. "When Words Pop Out, Watch Out!" -- How to handle times when wrong words pop out before your thinking side can decide if it is really a good idea to say them. "Find The Brakes!" – How to control your energy outbursts when it's the wrong setting for throwing things that shouldn't be thrown or letting your behavior get out of control – at school, dinner table or family outings. "Repair The Tear" – How to piece a relationship back together after arguing, not cooperating or saying mean things that can leave you and others feeling angry or hurt. The book includes removable copies of all the Parent Coaching Cards as well as text for parents with tips on how to use the cards, and a context for understanding how social and behavioral skills develop in children, and how parents can help their children through difficult times by honing these skills. Dr. Richfield also shows us how to coach children with special needs, such as ADHD and Asperger’s Syndrome. Narrative stories from mothers using the Coaching Cards provide a behind-the-scenes look at how coaching works. The book helps parents raise 6-to-12-year-olds, but easily applies to all children.
Dr. Richfield, who writes a monthly parenting column, is a clinical psychologist whose work has long focused on child development, parent education, and the emotional problems of childhood. He has provided over one hundred workshops to parents, teachers, and professional colleagues. Numerous strategies
and advice for parents and children are presented by Dr. Richfield on
the following: "My book represents the outgrowth of a parenting approach I have been developing for the past several years," says Dr. Richfield. "Because my clinical practice has been devoted to the needs of children beset with behavioral problems I felt compelled to create a practical and portable method for parents and teachers to provide “kid-friendly coaching” of self-control and social skills. The inspiration was provided in 1996 by a savvy 11-year-old girl who questioned, ‘Don’t you guys ever give kids cards so that they can remind themselves to use your ideas when they need them?’ The result was Parent Coaching Cards." So if you ever feel like spanking your kid or calling for a time-out when junior is acting up, consider handing him or her an index card with a "To Do" behavior, while discussing how to reform the child's actions and pursue an alternate solution. "When parents and children look at problem situations as opportunities for understanding each other better," says Dr. Richfield, "everyone wins."
Contact Information:
Dr. Steven Richfield 610-238-4450 or director@parentcoachcards.com Biography Dr. Steven Richfield
His book, THE PARENT COACH: A New Approach To Parenting In Today's Society, includes a complete set of Parent Coaching Cards. He has been featured in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Philadelphia Inquirer, Chicago Sun-Times, Connecticut Post, Hartford Courant, Shreveport Times, Greenville News, Yorkshire Post and numerous educational publications such as Counseling Today and The ADHD Report. Dr. Richfield has used his on-the-job training as a parent and extensive clinical experience to develop a new parent training model, one that asks parents to switch from "parent cop" to "parent coach." His resulting parenting coach program has received extensive international attention. In addition, in 1999 Dr. Richfield was commissioned by a Philadelphia based charity to develop a school-based curriculum to train teachers and school counselors in ways to coach self-control and social skills to groups of elementary school students. The program, based upon the Parent Coaching Cards, is now in use in hundreds of schools across the nation. The popularity of the program led foundations in Israel and Malta to ask for and receive permission to translate Parent Coaching Cards into the native language. Mental health groups have requested Dr. Richfield for speaking and training seminars in order to offer clients and therapists a highly practical and effective method to train foster and adoptive parents, social workers, parenting specialists, and childcare workers in various fields. Dr. Richfield, 43, has shared a private practice since 1988 with his wife, Caryn. He received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Hahnnemann University in 1986, and earned his undergraduate degree in Psychology/Political Science from George Washington University in 1981 with honors (Magna Cum Laude). He has worked very closely with countless parents and children who suffer from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Aspergers Syndrome. He has also provided therapy to children with a wide range of behavior disorders. Yet, in all his clinical work, the underlying themes of empowering children with coping skills, and training parents and teachers in coaching methods, are present. Dr. Richfield has
given scores of presentations and lectures, including the following topics: He resides in a suburb of Philadelphia, PA.
What exactly is a "parent coach"? A parent with a mission to nurture self-control and social skills in his/her kids. He/she has tools at their disposal but never loses sight of the fact that the right kind of relationship between parent and child is the most critical ingredient. They use words and actions to assure their child that they are on the same side and here to help. How does a parent convert into a coach to his or her kids? Good parents see the world through the eyes of adults and through the eyes of children. We feel their pressures: frustration, jealousy, defeat, wanting, helplessness, and so on. We shed our childhood biases. Our children are not our extensions. They are individuals with emotional strengths and weaknesses. Realize that for our children to emotionally grow we must lead by example, mixing coaching with an open mind about our own growth. A parent coach is one who combines consistent emotional support with a belief in the child's capacity for growth, who has a clear sense of which skills will best help the child cope, and who exhibits reasonable control over his or her own unhelpful reactions. You talk a lot about nurturing our children's emotional and social skills, so that they can develop effective ways of coping with things that frustrate them. How do you go about doing this? We translate problem behaviors into windows of opportunity. Life presents us all with endless challenges to our self-control and social skills. Rather than simply react and forget, we observe, and later when the time is right, we discuss what happened in a safe and nonjudgmental way. The goal is to use strategies to improve skills the next time they’re needed. Some critics have praised you as having fostered a system that "substitutes punishment and retribution with teaching and learning." But doesn't punishment serve to teach as well? Consequences are needed. They should be corrective and measured, not arbitrary and overly punitive. Punitive punishments breed deceitfulness, retaliation, and erode the relationship. In other words, punishments risk shaping your child into being obedient when you’re watching and defiant when you’re not. It’s better to coach self-disciplined behavior that requires less pushing from the outside world and offers more internal rewards for a job well done. Is spanking sometimes necessary, and if so, when? Spanking is a form of aggression. It is unnecessary and may lead a child to aggress as a maladaptive coping skill. It instills fear, withholding behaviors, and jeopardizes the relationship. Even minimal spanking, or the threat of physical punishment, leaves lasting and damaging impact. Children are less willing to admit to errors and more prone to deceit and dishonesty. How do you encourage parents to develop their own coaching style? Parents arrive at their own coaching style by speaking from the heart and listening with an open mind. With these two vital qualities present, the coaching dialogue builds upon the parent-child bond. I encourage parents to use their own memories of childhood struggles for starters, flip through the Coaching Cards with their kid, and listen and watch carefully to what unfolds.
How did you come up with the unique idea of creating these illustrated postcards with parenting tips that can be read by parents regarding responses to particular situations or behaviors? From listening to kids, I realized they need more than parents telling them what they are doing wrong. They need a method for using self-talk to do things right. Years ago, one 11-year-old girl told me if I wanted to help her we needed to turn my ideas into easy words and good pictures she could remember. So we did it. How do your Parent Coaching Cards fill a void in the parenting process? Parent Coaching Cards help pinpoint skill deficits and offer practical corrective strategies. As in any coach-player relationship, the ultimate goal is for children to become proficient at using these cards independently to develop effective skills. I created them with help from many kids dealing with problems at home, school, and with friends. Being teased, overreacting, not cooperating, blaming others, and being inflexible, often contributed to the tough times they faced. They didn't want long lectures from parents; they wanted simple and sensible ways to make things better. Parents told me they wanted practical parenting tools that would appeal to kids. With more working, single-parent households raising kids, as well as households of two working parents, children are being raised by others: parents of friends; a nanny; a baby-sitter; a teacher; daycare, a relative. Parents are absent from the process of coaching their kids. How do we overcome the effects of this problem, where the child is being raised by committee? It’s not how much we do it, but the quality of discussion that takes place. These circumstances provide fertile ground for us to take inventory of our kids’ skills. If we allow for open discussion, our kids will tell us how they feel and what they think about this person or that place. Then we coach improved self-management and encourage kids to practice next time. Not all children are equal. Some have special needs, such as ADD, a handicap, or a depression/anxiety-based behavioral problem. How should a parent handle such a child? We must become educated about the problem and use that knowledge to build and preserve a coaching relationship. Expectations for how long it will take for skills to be firmly established may need to be altered. There may be a need for greater parental involvement that goes beyond reading the Coaching Cards together. The program easily blends with other remediation, such as psychotherapy or medication. Is it harder
to raise a child today than 15 years ago? 30? Why? The world
is a far more complex, fast-paced, and tempting place than it was 15 or
30 years ago. Kids are exposed to so many more sources of stimulation:
video games, music video, Internet, and a wider menu of outside activities,
just to name a few. Although kids seek these out for entertainment, each
of these vies for influence, potentially diminishing parental influence,
making our job harder. How much success have you had in raising your own kids? My wife and I are having great success raising two sensitive, well-adjusted boys. Practically each day we learn something new about them, and ourselves. We accept their constructive feedback, and in turn, they usually accept ours. Raising kids is always a work in progress, but it helps to have good tools to work with. Are there some people who simply should not be parents? Why? Some adults are so scarred by their own childhoods that the tasks of good parenting are beyond their reach, without intensive help. Others rise above this damage, and through self-awareness and dedication, they re-parent themselves as they develop into skilled, responsive parents. Those in the first group will require much support and training, and a willingness to seek it out. What are the key skills a parent must possess? The key skills are to listen with an open mind, to accept we have much to learn from our children, to control unhelpful reactions, and to create emotional safety so that helpful dialogue can proceed. Once these are in place, parenting feels less like a series of skills and more like a natural groove we enter into when coaching our kids. When should a parent back off of a situation or take a time out? Coaching requires good timing and a nurturing tone of voice. Timing requires we take cues from our environment. Two reasons parents should back off are when kids openly reject our coaching or when the situation is not private enough. We should take a time out when we sound more like a judging adversary, and not a coaching ally. How should a parent handle a kid who talks back or says inappropriate things? I address this problem in chapter five. Kids who mouth off tend to be more competitive, sensitive, or achievement-oriented. They react without thinking and need to understand why and what to do instead. The “Words Pop Out” Coaching Card helps them see how those words make them look and feel bad and how to practice a “watch over words” in life. How can a parent best deal with a child who needs to overcome the obstacle of fear? The “Beat The Fear” Coaching Card helps kids focus on the fear, and not the feared object. Parents help by coaching determination to take small steps toward an agreed upon goal. With each step, the child feels more and more in control of the fear. The self-talk message on the card boosts the child’s courage and reminds them of the pay-offs. What should a parent coach do when a child acts impulsively all the time? Children who continually behave impulsively should be evaluated by a professional for ADHD. Parents can coach ways for them to retain self-control. We explain how impulsivity is like riding in a car without brakes, and suggest ways they can “burn it off,” We coach how to watch out for certain triggers and use the Coaching Cards to help them find the brakes. How can a parent cultivate cooperation from his or her child? Parents cultivate cooperation by fostering approval-seeking and pride in oneself. We point out the social pay-offs in the way of more friendships and invitations. We highlight examples of cooperative behaviors when they see it in others. We allow them to experience the consequences of uncooperative behavior. You mention how trigger points -- situations, events, people, or even words that can set off a child's 'reacting side' -- need to be on a parent's radar. What are some examples of such trigger points? There are many, and it's important we look for them and handle them before they get out of hand. A child may lose a game or not perform as well at something as he thinks he should. Sometimes a child doesn't want to do something she has to. He may feel annoyed at another child's behavior. She may see other kids having fun doing something that is against the rules. These can trigger bad reactions. You emphasize that it's crucial for a child to develop strong social and emotional skills. Why? The main goal of the Parent Coach is to develop and refine the child's coping skills. These skills can be placed under two general categories: social and emotional. Social skills include cooperation, sharing, judgment, perspective-taking, taking turns, manners, situation evaluation, conversational comfort, and others. Emotional skills include resilience, tolerance, self-control, perseverance, generosity, and more. Without these skills, kids will inevitably confront situations that they will be unable to properly contend with. This sets the stage for all sorts of troubling paths their behavior may follow.
What is "chalk talk"? It is the conversation a parent will have with a child to practice different social scenarios or to replay an event that has already occurred to help the child understand and improve his or her ability to respond appropriately to similar situations in the future. What major issues confront today’s parent-child relationship? The difficulty for today’s parents, of course, is that the world is a much more permissive, fast-paced, and complicated place than it has ever been. Our children face a barrage of adverse forces. Social land mines await them at school, on the playground, among friends and peers, on the sports field, and at home. Many children do not possess the skills necessary to navigate these minefields. Disappointments, competition, provocations, inequities, temptations, distractions, and many other pressures can easily jeopardize school-aged children’s efforts to keep their lives in balance. What about those parents who say, “My parents did a great job and they didn’t need coaching, so why should I?” To unquestionably accept the “hand-me-down-wisdom” of prior generations as a sufficient foundation for parenting flies in the face of today’s realities. Many of us were reared under the philosophical umbrella of “Children Should Be Seen And Not Heard.” Sorry, that doesn’t apply anymore. Many of us had fathers who “provided” but did not nurture. When there’s a need for father nurturing, where do men find the models to do so? Many of them simply don’t. Life was a lot simpler for parents many years ago. In today’s world, many parents are simply out of touch with kids’ lives. They need a path to tune in in order to reap the rewards of parenting and invest in children’s emotional and social health.
ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH: “Richfield hopes that parents will go over the cards with their children – the quick side during immediate problems, the longer, explanatory side in calmer times. Most children will need to concentrate on some cards more than others; so will their parents…. The cards are based on the idea that thinking clearly and self-monitoring can affect and improve behavior. It’s meant to be a tool box that helps a child master his or her reactions and as a result enjoy more success at school, at home and in social situations.” COUNSELING TODAY: “Parent Coaching Cards detail general social and emotional situations and provide discussions and a talk-to-yourself message on how to use tools to effectively address the problem…. School counselors like the cards because the child can carry the ideas around with them and refer to them at any time, said Canary Hogan, past-president of the American School Counselor Association. The cards also provide a solid framework for social and emotional development for children of all ages, she said. “I thought the cards were well-prepared and useful to parents and school counselors,” said Robert Cormany, executive director of the Pennsylvania School Counselors Association.” CHICAGO SUN-TIMES: “The cards can help on the playground, in class, in dealing with siblings, wherever and however. They’re especially helpful for kids with Attention Deficit Disorder, for kids looking to curb inappropriate behavior, or for kids just trying to understand the most human of impulses…. Other card topics include: Don’t take the bait. Show your love for people, not just for stuff. Don’t trust your jealous feelings. Know when to back off. When words pop out, watch out.” MAIN LINE TODAY: “Dr. Richfield had a vision of a system that allows children the means to express themselves and would also give parents an alternative to screaming orders at their children. The system he came up with almost two years ago has gained national and international attention. It’s being used by thousands of children, parents and educators. … The, index-size cards are designed to help children develop and improve their social and emotional skills. They feature a colorful illustration on one side and a practical message on the other side, with advice on handling issues and frustrations that many children and adolescents are faced with.” KYW NEWS RADIO: “The cards offer kids some tools to help them in emotionally toned social situations and with their academic lives. Originally planned for parents of children with Attention Deficit Disorder, teachers and guidance counselors have been finding that all children do well with some ideas on how to act in circumstances such as the one described on the card, “Don’t Take the Bait.” That episode helps children develop responses to tempting situations that keep them out of trouble. Since we know that more tranquil environments encourage learning and better achievement, programs such as the Parent Coaching Cards are worth investigating for your child’s school.”
"I created these cards with help from many kids who were searching for answers to every day problems at home, school and with friends," says Dr. Steven Richfield. "If you're a kid, look at the cards as thinking tools to keep life running smoothly. If you're a parent, use the cards as a game plan to guide children toward social and emotional success. If you're an educator or other professional, these cards offer a solution-focused program to help kids through tough times. My hope is that whether you're a kid or adult, your search for practical answers just got a little easier." Here's a sampling of some of the cards: DON'T TAKE THE BAIT Life is filled with all sorts of situations that may lead to trouble. Things may happen at a friend's house, when you're playing outside with a group, while watching TV with a brother or sister, or even at school. Maybe someone calls you a name or dares you to follow them into bad behavior. Maybe you see some dangerous fun that is hard to resist. If you let them, these situations will bait you -- just like a hooked worm baits a fish. Before you even know it, you've been baited into wrong action or a bad decision. You may not even know you've taken the bait until it's too late, so it's a good idea to review this talk-to-yourself message from time to time: I have to be on the look out so I don't get baited into behaving badly. Getting baited can happen anytime, anywhere -- and with anybody. One way to prevent this from happening is to stop and ask myself: "Am I being baited right now?" If the answer is 'yes,' or even 'maybe,' stop. Do not follow the other person's lead. Don't let yourself react to whatever is happening at that moment. Give yourself time to think it through some more, or to talk the situation over with someone you trust. Don't take the bait! COOPERATION It can be hard to cooperate when you just don't want to. Your parents (or teachers) may ask you to do something when all you want is for them to leave you alone! Next time this happens, read this talk-to-yourself message: Being cooperative is an important part of growing up. Even though it may feel like they're too bossy, my parents and teachers are really trying to help me become responsible. If I learn how to be cooperative, then people will be more likely to cooperate with me when I ask them to do stuff. I'll also find that once I simply do what they ask, I'll feel better about myself. Plus, they'll be proud to see that I was able to cooperate even when I didn't want to. Your 'reacting side' makes you feel as if cooperating is giving up and caving in. It isn't. Cooperating is about letting your 'thinking side' take charge of your behavior. Deep down inside you know that life goes much more smoothly when you cooperate. And remember: CTFT (Cooperate The First Time). Doing this will lead to the good results that make cooperating worth the hassle. BEAT THE FEAR Fear can creep up on you at any time, any place, and about anything. Maybe you feel scared as you walk onto the bus, sit in class, or attend some type of practice. Fear attacks your body and your mind. Your body feels all wobbly and your thoughts seem to turn against you. You become so worried about something bad happening, that you do not deal so well with what is really going on. You end up believing that your fear came true -- but it didn't. What really happened is that you fell into the fear trap. The next time you start feeling scared, read this talk-to-yourself message: I am not going to let fear control my reactions anymore. Avoiding things that other kids enjoy because I'm afraid means less fun for me. I deserve fun and freedom, too. My "thinking side" can help me plan ahead to deal with scary things. Things won't always work out the way I want. But when they don't, I'll know fear didn't stop me from trying. I am going to use all my courage and determination to beat the fear when I feel it creeping up on me.
Helping The
Impulsive Child When Parents
Divorce And Children React Bridging The
Generational Gap When A Sibling
Rivalry Escalates Help Kids
Develop Emotional Resilience
Unlocking Your Parenting Potential Children’s lives are filled with many “decision points” that challenge their social judgment, self-control, and problem-solving abilities. It’s easy for them to fall short in any of these skill areas, setting the stage for trouble for now, as well as down the road. Most parents deal with such trouble in a reactive mode, focusing on punishment, discipline, and retribution. The Parent Coach approach is to help children develop coping skills in a proactive way that allows them to better deal with the demanding circumstances of everyday life and to prepare for the many challenges that lie ahead. Rather than waiting for problems to occur and them focusing on the fallout, Parent Coaches help their children anticipate problems, avoid hazardous situations, and develop and practice the skills necessary to meet and beat challenges. Parent Coaches approach parenting with a high degree of warmth, elevated expectations, and respect for their child’s autonomy, but also with firmness and tenacity. The Parent Coach discusses and practices with his or her child the skills necessary to successfully cope with problem situations. To strengthen children’s sense of trust and security, parents must let them know they are on their side and that they will help them figure out why things go wrong, not just punish them for misbehaviors. The Parent Coach style of parenting emphasizes the importance of a safe and nonjudgmental dialogue between parent and child. The child must feel accepted and understood, not criticized and lectured. To do this, the parent has to resist stepping into the role of disciplinarian, as this often causes the child to put up a defensive wall and tune out the parent. Finding the right coaching voice is as important as finding the right coaching style. Many parents overlook this key ingredient in communicating with their children. The Parent Coach focuses on the present as well as the future. While the parent may be in a real-time situation, such as dealing with a child refusing to do homework or a child using bad language to lash out at a sibling, he or she should use the opportunity as a chance to develop the child’s inventory of emotional and social skills. The parent coaching approach combines consistent emotional support with beliefs in the child’s capacity for growth, reasonable control over the parent’s unhelpful reactions, and a clear sense of which skills will help the child cope. In addition, parents
can be easily caught off guard by their own emotions and may react by
lecturing, blaming, or yelling- none of which helps children learn how
to better handle triggering events the next time around. Without a better
understanding of their difficulties and how t o correct them, children
are not only prone to repeat patterns of problematic behavior, but may
develop new ones (i.e., lying, withdrawal, etc.). As the child’s
skills gap widens and parental tolerance lessens, conflict at home generally
intensifies. Unfortunately, this escalating war of words between parent
and child severely strains one extraordinarily vital element: the bond
between parent and child.
2. Use caution when bringing your romantic partners into their life. Kids living with a single parent often develop strong attachments to their parent’s friends. Feelings of loss and betrayal can result if these adults suddenly disappear. Moreover, these same feelings can surface simply as a result of romantic partners entering the scene. 3. Elicit your child’s feelings about the absent/other parent. Don’t fool yourself into thinking, “Out of sight, out of mind.” Kids of single parents need help and permission to express their feelings and thoughts about what it’s like for them to be denied two parents under one roof. They will have a variety of reactions, from anger, sadness and blame, to questions that tug at your heart. 4. Consider possible “blind spots” that impair your parenting vision. Being a single parent can raise many different personal issues. Resentment over being without a partner or feelings of entitlement about your adult needs may lead to self-serving parenting decisions. Using your child to soothe your wounds or as a focus for anger are two common pathways. 5. Don’t allow children to step into the shoes of the absent parent. It’s very common for a boy to attempt to become “man of the house” if being raised by a single mother, as is true of a girl raised by a father. This can threaten sibling relationships and undermine parental authority. Bring this to the attention of the child and explain how harmful it is to family functioning. 6. Guide your child to independence, even if you fear it. Fear of being alone once your child grows up prompts some single parents to foster unhealthy dependency within their children. They may cling to one another, forestalling growth and planting seeds for lifelong dysfunction. Don’t allow single parenthood to become a risk factor for future emotional disability in your child. 7. Offer ample opportunity for exposure to healthy, same-sex role models. If a father is missing from a boy’s life, or a mother from a daughter’s, they may be denied important “raw materials” to build a well-rounded, gender-linked identity. Single parents should provide “substitute” figures in the form of coaches, tutors, Big Brothers, or Big Sisters. 8. Ensure there is opportunity for adult enjoyment, apart from your parenting role. It is vital that all parents pursue healthy satisfactions outside the duties of raising children. This will recharge your energy to invest in parenting and remind you of the importance of balance in life. 9. Use the hardships of single parenting to build your child’s character strengths. Despite the obvious challenges of raising a child without a partner, consider these hardships as a foundation to promote healthy coping skills and aptitudes. Greater opportunities to learn about sacrifice, responsibility, and autonomy are important building blocks for a successful life. 10. Seek and accept help. Some single parents deceive themselves into thinking that they can handle everything when, in fact, it’s clear to those around them that they aren’t handling certain issues very well. Don’t allow false pride to cloud parenting decisions. How Much Coaching Does Your Kid Need?
1. My child seems to mouth off with inappropriate language more than most kids his/her age? 2. My child shrinks away from new experiences rather than approaching them with confidence and enthusiasm. 3. My child often over-reacts with hurt or angry feelings, more so than most kids his/her age. 4. My child has particular difficulty with teasing and baiting by peers. 5. My child is like a “bottomless pit” when it comes to wanting material things and privileges. 6. My child has a lot of trouble “bouncing back” from disappointments, i.e., showing flexibility. 7. My child gets easily consumed by jealous feelings that cause much trouble for him/her. 8. My child just can’t seem to quickly get under control once they’ve been triggered into an emotional outburst. 9. My child often forgets to demonstrate his/her love for important people in their life. 10. My child has trouble making and keeping friends. Scoring Key: |
[Home Page][What You Get][Examples][Testimonials][News Items][Parenting Column][Coaching Stories][How To Use][Order Form]