Coaching Sports Readiness Skills
A parent writes: Our seven year old is very hesitant about sports.
Much to my husband’s disappointment, he tells us that he doesn’t
like to play but won’t say much more. We wonder if he is afraid
to compete but are unsure as to whether we should push or back off.
Any suggestions?
Youth sports has become one of childhood’s most popular rites
of passage. In addition to being a stage to showcase athletic talents,
building blocks for healthy social and emotional development are often
put into place. Children who avoid this arena do so for a variety of
reasons, but personality and environmental factors are often chief among
them. Obstacles such as fear, anxiety, or withdrawal may interfere,
or parenting approaches that intimidate or alienate the child through
unrealistic expectations may be the culprit.
Parent who witness “athletic alienation” in their children
tend to form snap judgments that fall at different ends of the spectrum;
either they tell themselves that sports “just isn’t their
thing” or they push too hard and strike out. Neither response
is advisable, and both run the risk of your child being denied the wonderful
experiences and growth that youth sports entails. Instead, try heeding
these coaching suggestions:
Fun before fundamentals. Parents (or coaches) who narrowly
emphasize proper form or other fundamental aspects of the game while
instructing young children can inadvertently close a window of opportunity.
If children don’t experience enjoyment and feel some degree of
competence they will often lose interest and motivation. Don’t
fall into the trap of thinking that competence is a prerequisite for
fun or that competence must be defined by official standards. Youngsters
playing basketball can feel competence simply by having the ball hit
the backboard or rim if supervising adults demonstrate with words and
enthusiasm that such efforts are worthwhile.
Relax rules and expectations for beginners. As the
prior example implies, competence can be defined in whatever way parents
dictate. Three strikes doesn’t have to lead to an out; footballs
that fumble out of bounds can still be picked up for touchdowns. Such
“Daddy rules” can be explained to children as different
from the rules that will apply when they play with children their own
age. This handicapping of the game can help to build a child’s
motivation to eventually play by the “real rules” once sufficient
confidence has been built.
It’s o’kay to let them win. Fathers are
especially prone to insist that young athletes not receive any special
treatment when they compete. Thus, each time the child plays against
the father they lose; not exactly fertile ground for fun and motivation
to develop. Armed with the mistaken belief that if you give them slack
they will expect it from others, some fathers may do more harm than
good in this area. A more balanced approach is to explain that you want
to “even out” abilities by playing (indoor) basketball on
your knees, using your non-dominant hand during a game or simply just
let them beat you from time to time. Lose with graceful poise and you
will be showing your child how to do the same.
Choose your words carefully; young athletic egos are in formation.
Unlike some other areas, sports coaching and discussions can be extremely
hard for young children’s self-esteem to bear. Boys, in particular,
may have already compared themselves to classmates at recess and found
themselves lacking. Girls may have quickly eliminated sports from consideration
due to wishes to conform to a particular non-athletic clique. Whatever
the reasons, it’s important for parents to unearth them and proceed
with nonjudgmental sensitivity. “Let’s talk about how you
feel when playing or when watching other kids play - it can be helpful
to figure out if feelings are taking some of the fun out of the game,”
is a good way to start. It’s also important to deal directly with
the “I’m no good” self-critique. Help them see the
goal of sports as fun, friendships, and feeling good - not winning or
being better than other kids.
Dr. Steven Richfield is a child psychologist in Plymouth Meeting,
PA. His column appears monthly. He has developed a child-friendly self-control/social
skills building program called Parent Coaching Cards. His new book,
The Parent Coach: A New Approach To Parenting In Today’s Society
is available through Sopris West (sopriswest.com or 1-800-547-6747)
He can be contacted at www.parentcoachcards.com or 610-238-4450
