Smoothing Out Teenage Sleep Troubles
A parent writes: Our son has suffered from difficulty going
to sleep since the beginning of high school. The problem varies from
week to week and improves during weekends, vacations, and summers. We
suggest that he read but he refuses and gets himself so upset that sleep
is nearly impossible. How can we help him?
It’s not uncommon for adolescence to stir up troubles that seem
to appear out of nowhere. Sometimes the trigger is an upsetting event
that unearths some underlying insecurities or perceptions buried since
early childhood. Other times typical teenage worries and doubts lead
to mounting internal pressure and symptom formation. Adolescent growth
in identity and self-awareness can be likened to a shift in land masses,
opening up strong currents of emotion and disequilibria.
A disturbance in sleep is a frequent symptom of an unsettled adolescent
passage. Restful sleep requires a relaxed mind, rather than one filled
with apprehension and angst. Here are some coaching tips to settle a
teen tormented by sleep troubles:
Normalize the experience. Many teens respond to the onset of this problem
with escalating emotions and thereby make the situation worse. Parents
can educate them about how normal it is for people their age to experience
periodic problems with sleep due to common stressors. Suggest that by
being patient with themselves and tolerant of the trouble they can learn
ways to overcome it.
Educate them about the possible sources of the trouble. Without sounding
like a nosy know-it-all, suggest to them that it can help to figure
out what could be causing the trouble. Explain that though they may
not be aware that something is bothering them it could be the driving
force behind the sleeplessness. “Sometimes the mind stores up
stuff that gets in our way of being able to relax enough to fall asleep,”
can open up discussion of possibilities. Offer them general categories
such as worries, fears, events, secrets, and people.
Make it safe for them to reveal what’s on their mind. One of the
biggest obstacles to helping a teen with this problem is to cultivate
an atmosphere of nonjudgmental discussion. Be prepared not to minimize
or trivialize what they reveal. Be ready to empathize with their angst
by actively listening and eventually sharing comparable struggles of
your own. Recognize that this may be the first time they have verbalized
what is bothering them, and talking can greatly reduce the internal
pressure they have been under.
Don’t sabotage success by trying to “fix” the problem.
If you make it to the point that your teen is talking, consider that
success. Don’t assume that the problem is now corrected and reassure
your teen that sleep will now be restored to its former state. This
problem tends to ebb and flow with the currents of adolescence and teens
need to understand that process. By offering them a safe place to talk
out their stressors and a realistic expectation of how sleep with sometimes
be effected they will be in the best position to not impose greater
stress upon themselves, and aggravate this transitory problem.
Dr. Steven Richfield is a child psychologist in Plymouth Meeting,
PA. His column appears monthly. He has developed a child-friendly self-control/social
skills building program called Parent Coaching Cards. His new book,
The Parent Coach: A New Approach To Parenting In Today’s Society
is available through Sopris West (sopriswest.com or 1-800-547-6747)
He can be contacted at www.parentcoachcards.com or 610-238-4450
