Coaching The Underachieving High Schooler
A parent
writes: Our son is a very bright and talented high school freshman
with many interests and friends. It's easy for him to get sidetracked
and not put his best effort into his school work. Now that we are
half way through the school year, his grades are slipping. We worry
about underachievement. Suggestions?
While high school
presents a world of possibilities, adolescence ignites the fires to
make those into realities. Today's ready access to peers through instant
messaging,tempting entertainment options, and a vast array of activities,
can easily undermine a teenager's academic dedication. Underachievement
occurs when students do not perform at expected levels based upon
past performance or another standard such as intelligence or standardized
testing. This pattern sounds an alarm in the future-oriented minds
of parents, sending them scrambling to point blame and demanding course
correction from kids. Unfortunately, parental responses can do more
harm than good. Before you jump into the role of underachievement-buster,
consider the following coaching tips:
Short cuts to success, although effective in the past, are
no longer working to the same degree. Prior to high school,
it is common for bright students to earn excellent grades without
fully applying themselves. Minimizing the importance of thorough studying
and overlooking the need for good note-taking are work habits brought
to high school. They carry the misconception that intelligence will
produce A's, rather than hard work and sacrifice. If this describes
your child, gently share these observations, but be prepared for them
to accuse you of not having confidence in them. Offer the following
retort,"I believe you are smart enough to realize that as the
work gets harder, you have to work harder to reach the level of excellence
you are capable of."
Don’t be too quick to pin the blame on one distraction,
remove it, and create a bigger problem. In their zeal to
find the cause for underachievement, many parents narrowly focus on
one of their pet peeves, such as instant messaging or gaming, and
temporarily delete it from their child’s life. Whether or not
parents admit it, this action is an arbitrary punishment and will
be viewed as such by teens. Adolescents don't academically excel under
such conditions, but may now have another reason to put less effort
into their school work: retaliation against parents. This downside
risk must be carefully considered before parents resort to privilege
removal. A far better approach is to suggest that certain temptations
may be too much for them to resist, and to brainstorm ways of curbing
them. For example, teens can surrender certain favorite games at the
end of each evening so that they are not available when they return
home from school the next day.
Sometimes underachievement is a symptom of big, or what might
seem small, problems. It's important not to overlook that
depression, social disappointment or isolation, prolonged conflict
with or between parents, medical issues, or other problems can lead
to underachievement. Teens may be unable to effectively balance the
challenges of high school with the pressures imposed by these other
issues. Similarly, a host of other less obvious factors may be underlying
performance problems, such as peer perceptions of academic excellence,
personality conflicts with or dislike of teachers, inadequate sleep,
etc.
Consider the possible reasons without rushing to judgment, approach
your teen and demonstrate your interest in their viewpoint. Adolescence
is already a time of heightened insecurity, so it’s best to
tread lightly. Suggest some of the above possibilities but emphasize
the importance of a mutually agreeable plan of action. Consider establishing
a time table for grade improvement and actions to be taken if goals
are not met.
Dr.
Steven Richfield is a child psychologist in Plymouth Meeting, PA.
His column appears monthly. He has developed a child-friendly self-control/social
skills building program called Parent Coaching Cards. His new book,
The Parent Coach: A New Approach To Parenting In Today’s Society
is available through Sopris West (sopriswest.com or 1-800-547-6747)
He can be contacted at www.parentcoachcards.com or 610-238-4450
